Tuesday, December 18, 2007

A Tale of Two Endorsements: Chuck Norris versus Oprah

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. Primary season, that is. It has been the worst because of its premature start. Voters who chose a candidate last year may have changed their mind by now. Fatigue is setting in for the candidates and the electorate. It has been the best because after all of the months of coverage, there is still no clear frontrunner and neither the media nor the pundits can predict what will happen. Now that we have heard from the candidates for an unprecedented year-long presidential campaign, it seems as if the race is still wide open on both sides of the spectrum.
The most interesting aspect of this campaign so far, though, is the celebrity endorsement competition. And the two candidates who are currently leading in the polls for their respective parties both have the support of a larger-than-life personality. Could that be why they are in the lead? And those celebrities perfectly embody the spirit of the two political parties.
Not many people are known by just one name. Oprah is a mega-celebrity. Oprah has mega-bucks. Oprah endorsing Obama is mega-news. Both of their names beginning with “O” is a mega-coincidence. And Oprah exemplifies the touchy-feely, emotional, can’t-we-all-just-get-along attitude of many Democrats. Remember the Democratic debate when Obama said that he would talk to Ahmadinejad (I’m-a-nut-job) of Iraq? Obama would probably film the conversation for a segment on Oprah. Heck, he might make Oprah his Secretary of State. Obama and Oprah really believe that communication will solve any problem. If only it were true.
Then we have Chuck Norris. He doesn’t “talk” to bad guys. He roundhouse kicks them. Would President Huckabee put Chuck Norris in charge of Homeland Security? I have to make a disclaimer: I worked as an extra on the set of “Walker: Texas Ranger” for many years. Most of my scenes were one-tenth of a second in length, but if you don’t blink you might see me. My favorite episode was the one where a psycho killer held me hostage in the courtroom. (I didn’t know that I would have to wear the same outfit for a week while filming that scene.) Chuck Norris saved me from certain death. I love Chuck Norris. But I digress.
Chuck has endorsed Governor Mike Huckabee. And Chuck Norris is not just a celebrity. He has become legend. Some say that when Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn’t push his body up, he pushes the earth down. Others say that Chuck Norris doesn’t just endorse a candidate; he tells the American people who our next president will be. And Chuck Norris represents the essence of the GOP base: good versus evil, law and order, apple pie and support our troops. So the race may be over. Chuck Norris has spoken.
Yes, this primary season has been long. The candidates are many. Many voters are still undecided. But having such a big selection, having the time to get to know the candidates, getting to watch the political theater? It’s all good. A death match between Oprah versus Chuck Norris? That is priceless. For political junkies, it really is the best of times.

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